To-do lists for March!

1. Finish up my research project and presentation.
2. Do MATHS practice. 
3. Finish up learning Girls Generation - The Boys dance steps. 
4. Read finish the Biology Volume 1. 
5. Lose weight till 45kg! 
6. Cut my hair. (what kind of hairstyles then? )

I guess that's enough for March. Will update soon if I have anything to add. :p 

＃2

为什么。我很累，你知道吗？
我忍。

#1

我只是希望当我回来的时候有个肩膀依靠着，可是却换来我要依靠我自己。

Break down.

People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for too long.

Think too much nonsense makes me lost in the other world.

Today, left two more days to the exams.
Stupid deductive geometry, unfinished-reading Biology..
There's a lot to read, but no time anymore.
I'm so tired, everyone is tired.
Thinking back that, why the hell we study Form 6?
Some of them don't know why, they just enroll into Form 6 for the sake of studying only.
Or don't know what to do in the future.
Or don't know what am I doing at all.
I'm lost in this world.
I got crazy today, and laugh till I cried.
Break down.
Stress, Tension. And it's just the first test.
What if is the STPM?
I guess, I will be in the Mental Problem Hospital ward lying down and laugh at myself.
SIAO, CRAZY,MAD, INSANE.
This life is hard, and fucked up.
I don't know what I'm doing for.
Tears keep rolling down and down and down, even wet Lisa's shirt.
Lisa sang 'Safe and Sound' to me. :") it makes me cry more.
Thanks for your shoulders, Lisa.
'Crying isn't helpful.' Maybe it's true.
Heart sinked down to the hell.
You never know how much I needed you.

“She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that’s important—you know ”
― Marilyn Monroe

她说无所谓。

What have I done wrong?

Sometimes I couldn't understand what are you thinking. 

I know you have stress and pressure and busy and sometimes disappointed with a lot of things. 

That's why I tolerate,and have patience with you.

I try not to argue with you,but you keep bringing things up. 

I have my own ways to do my things, clean up my room, arrange my things. 

I arranged and then you said I show faces. 

My face is like that, what you expect?

I'm sorry.

I'm not like supermodel or joker or clown that always have a smile on my face.

Then you said I've changed that I'm not close to you anymore, that I'm cold to you.

You are not a failure, but I am. 

I failed to make you happy, I failed to do whatever you want me to do.

I'm not perfect.

I know I have been closing myself in the room, and seldom have interactions with you. 

I'm sorry.

I know I'm not used to be who I am or who you want me to be. 

I lost appetite, I slim down, I got hunchback, I got sharp face, I look so weak.

It's not because of the relationship I get into, or anything that has to do with you.

It's just that, I lost my appetite, and I don't feel like eating.

That's it. 

I guess my life changed a lot when I enrolled into Form 6.

Yes, I lost appetite ever since that. 

Stress, Pressure, Tired.

I know everyone is going through that,

I know you going to say that, ''other people also can go through this tough life, I also can go through that.''

''It's gonna be okay, everything's gonna be alright. ''

You know what?

That's what I keep telling myself every single minute, every single day. 

I've been strong for too long.

I've been heartbroken.

I fell, and I stood up back again.

Just for you. 

I know I can't disappoint you like he did. 

I know I am the only hope that you have.

I know you love me.

I know you care for me.

I know. 

It has been tough for me.

I don't wanna complain, I keep it to myself always.

Because I don't want you to worry about me.

I know you have a lot of things to worry. 

I enrolled into form 6 and I go to school everyday, facing the same people, the same shit.

I did my homework, I attend curricular activities, events, become photographer of the school magazine,met new friends, discipline. 

That's what you want me to go through, right?

I did everything just for you.

You never ask me what I want.

You just want me to do what you want me to do. 

If that's what makes you happy, I will do it even though I'm not happy.

' Fake smile hide the real tears.' 

I will be happy.

I will be alright.

I will smile.

I know you love me,

I love you too. 

I'm sorry.